Tadpole Of The Bailey

I was going to postpone any more blogging about, er, a certain person, at least until I had done my Nativity blog.

But after another tweeter came up with this magnificent description of You Know Who, a sense of mischief crept up on me.

So (without naming full names – perish the thort!), I will now post a list of soubriquets of certain souls on Twitter, and leave it to you to figure out just who they might possibly be. All in a spirit of seasonal goodwill, I stress.

Disclaimer: I am the originator of only seven of them. Items in inverted commas are taken from the tweeter’s own description.


“relentlessly abhorrent”

Fairy Princess

Mrs Jellyby

Poundland (after she tried to crowd-fund an action against social media harassment, but only managed to raise £880 – bless!)

Phillidrugs (after she admitted getting drunk and taking drugs in the past: it’s all right so long as you don’t do it in court, she says. Obvs.)

Cap’n Bore

Madame X

The Bristol buffoon



No. 2 (best mates with No. 1)

“A proud Scallywag throwing/ A Janner in Brittan’s works”

Lord Haw Haw

Germany Calling

Dame Alan Loony

The Beast of Miele

Dim A

The Pantomime Dame

Mr Badwin

Dame Asshat

Dame Anal

Dame Arsewipe

Fat Al

Tadpole of the Bailey

No. 3


Esther bunny


Bin Goblin



No. 4

“This account is temporarily restricted”

Sunny Wailer

Spambot/ Spammybot

Dull and Sunny

No. 5

“Useful idiot”


Sceptic Peg

Fat Loo

Nos. 6-7

“team data”




The Prague photographer


“professional trouble-maker”

Sonic Poultry

No. 9


Coercive C*ntrol

No. 10

“The real ‘Nick’ is my friend….”

Shiny Blue

Saint Sue

No. 11

Uncle Bulgaria

All further suggestions gratefully received.


Corrected and re-issued after I discovered that I had misunderstood who “Tadpole” was. But…..it still makes me laugh. Every day. Thanks to the person whose humour gave birth to such a brilliant catchphrase. More power to your elbow!